I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
