I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
