hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
