She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
