I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
