i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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