dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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