It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
