We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
