If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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