apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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