PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
