Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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