and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
