I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
