my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize