Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
