Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
