The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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