And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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