don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
