I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
