You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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