I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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