Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
