He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
