party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
