genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
