Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
