I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
