After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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