Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
