so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
