mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
