why didn't you poke me back
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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