adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
