Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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