just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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