I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize