i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
