I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
