I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize