The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
