Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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