i would punch a child for taco bell
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize