she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
