party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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