I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
