Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
