You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
