11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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