In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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