hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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