i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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