well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
