so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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