wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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