Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
