Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize