Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
