Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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