Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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