You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
