his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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