Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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