News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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