Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
