so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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