She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
