So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
