at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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