ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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