someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
