while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
