yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
