Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
