I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
