Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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