of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
