do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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