If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
