I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
not ubering you a puppy
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