first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize