I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
