the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is Oprah even human
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
