Too much gin, very little bucket
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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