I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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