everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
