By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
