that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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