he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
