Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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