Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
