So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
