Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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