your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
