its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
