I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
