yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
