i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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