Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
