I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
