honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize