These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
