The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
