the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
